The New CEO is in Town | Non-Negotiable Digital Media Employee Participation
You may have noticed the stretch Land Rover outside double parked with a vanity license plate. Yep, that’s me. I’m your new CEO, and effective immediately all employees must meet digital media guidelines that will be outlined later in this communication. These requirements support your company’s Digital Marketing, Social Media, and common sense grassroots marketing efforts.
I was shocked to see that out of 167 employees only 8 of you have made an interaction with our Social Media networks in the last 6 months. That’s sad, and shows a colossal lack of respect and negative motivation to our company. Do you not like what we do? Those icons scattered around the site are called Social Media icons that you need to click to engage the world in support of our company. The link that says ‘Blog’ means our company is constantly saying something you need to hear. You will be periodically quizzed on our blogs.
Non-Negotiable Digital Media Employee Participation (Phase 1)
– Every employee will write 2 blog articles per month of 600+ words
– Spend one hour a week on our Social Media networks interacting with your colleagues and our clients who put food on your table
– Jeans are no longer permitted on Friday. You can earn ‘Jean Days’ for blog articles (the mandated 2 per month don’t count)
– Every month groups of 6 employees will make a video for our YouTube and Vimeo Channels, and for website inclusion such as our career section
– Every employee must learn how to install a personal web server at their desk and build a website (WampServer is fine, non-service manager installs earns 10 ‘Jean Days’)
– Every employee is required to have a professional LinkedIn profile, and provide 5 high quality leads to Business Development monthly (Assign them in Salesforce to ‘Sales General’).
– After 20 blog posts you will be entitled to 20 hours of telecommuting.
– Strict No LIKE-Gating policy on Facebook. We earn our Likes, and value engagement over LIKES anyway.
– Quarterly, you and a randomly selected employee will produce a 20-minute podcast for our company’s SoundCloud channel.
– If you provide 5 written client testimonials you will receive a $200 gift card. 2 client video testimonials is awarded with an extra day of vacation and a $200 gift card.
– Everyone will be provided with access to Evernote. Every quarter you must log 25 business ideas for company growth. 5 of the 25 notes must be voice notes of over 2 minutes.
You Will Love Our Company, or You Should Leave Our Company
Have pride and begin to live in the future of the digital marketing landscape you knew as Farmville 10 minutes ago, and now know as mandatory relevance in the eyes of this company under my direction.
The first employee that produces me 15 blog articles will be awarded with the gift of Google Glass